I spent the rest of the night with my daughter and friends watching fire works and playing games. I had so much fun with them, as I always do. They are a great couple who have been together for 10 years. They’re both stunt people who met on the job. They married really young and spent their time working and growing together until they were ready to have a family. They made sure they were well established and ready. I admire them for all of those things, and I guess it was an eye opener that it’s still possible for me to have someone I can marry young and grow up with. Maybe have a best friend and a good, supportive relationship instead of what I had experienced recently.
I was really sick around that time. I had a horrible sinus infection and had lost my voice totally that night at their house. I spent the next few days in bed resting and trying to get better. Thursday was a rough day, but Friday I was feeling a little better. And for some reason totally still unknown to me, I could not stop thinking about what I could possibly be missing out on if I didn’t at least message him and say hi. Maybe reach out and offer an ear about his recent breakup since I, a year ago, went through something similar. I kept talking myself out of it, though, because who was I kidding? He was in Oklahoma, I’m all the way in California. There’s no way he’d even be interested in me, I’m sure he wanted to be single for a while and why was I thinking that far ahead anyway?
But 8pm came along, and I decided to write him anyway. So I took to Facebook, found his name, and messaged him. It was short and sweet, and very vague.
Hey you! I know this is totally random. But my aunt is good friends with your mom, and she told me about ya! Just wanted to reach out and say hi. How are you?
yes she told me about you as well! I’m good, just catching up with old friends. how’re you?
He replied. And it began a total nonstop message/text-a-thon. He was intriguing from the get go. That night he was spending time with friends, and from posts on Facebook it was apparent that it had been a while since he’d been able to do that. I tried not to interfere too much, because I didn’t want to be rude but we just continued to talk and share things. I don’t know what it was but there was a level of understanding that I hadn’t found with anyone else, ever. Ever.
I didn’t even think about the fact that he was so far away. I forgot about the fact that he had just broken up with someone, as I could just tell that it was a situation similar to mine before that it was over long before it ended. I trusted what he said and I wanted to hear his opinions and thoughts on everything. This was all immediate. For me, there was no time to stop and think, and after all that hesitation and naysaying before, I was all in. No matter what the outcome, I knew that this was a good man and that I made the best choice by reaching out to him.
I know this sounds kinda corny. I’m just telling ya the story, folks. Anyway, I was set to be in Oklahoma 25 days from then, and I was counting every second. Besides the excitement and impatience of waiting for my daughter to arrive when I was pregnant, I had never been so excited for anything in my life. I was nervous to see him for the first time. Even though our families were great friends, we had shared some friends, went to the same school (me a little earlier than him), and lived in the same town forever, we had never met. I was so ready, and it was the longest countdown of ever.
I suppose I wont bore you with all the gushy details of what happened. But I will say that it tore me apart to have to leave him that time, and every time after that was more difficult than the last. I’d never known myself to mourn like that over an event or person. It was intense. There were times that I knew he was afraid to make the move here, and was understanding that it was a huge change. But I continued to talk with him about it and love him until one day he started making arrangements to come be together here. Everything worked out so smoothly, but I will forever be traumatized by the pain of not being with him everyday and having to wait.
He’s been here now for almost 2 months. We are still trying to figure out our “groove”, but it’s better than anything I could’ve ever imagined. We talk about everything openly and trustfully. We have conversations I’ve never been able to have with anyone else. My daughter loves him, and he loves her and greets her first when he comes home from his Personal Banker job. It’s amazing, and I’m so glad that I opened up to it. I truly also believe that my experiences with people throughout my life, starting as a young child all the way to my old career gave me the foresight that he’s an amazing human being. I’ve met so many different kinds of people from many different spectrums and I’ve been through so many things that I think it’s a little easier for me to decipher good from bad and excellent from “not for me”. If anything, all that stuff just built me up to this now, and is helping me start a life that I can create and enjoy exactly the way that I want it. There’s not really much I can do now except love the one I’m with, start a life, and grow together. That’s just fine, because it’s all that I want, and is perfect for me.
Now that he’s here, I’ve got to make sure he likes it. There’s a lot to love about California, but it took me a long time to be as content as I am with it now. Even that’s not the highest level of contentment. He’s got a great job. I’ve started a new job at the local Chevy dealership that I love. I work in the internet sales department as a direct assistant to the manager, and salesperson. I got my license to sale, and I work Chevy, Cadillac and Land Rover. It’s rewarding, fun, and I get to work hours that allow me to be home with my daughter most of the time. If you’ve read the stories here from when I first started the site, you’d know that I started working in the car business and loved it even then. So it’s almost like I’ve come full circle. Ever heard that saying “If I knew then, what I know now..”? Well it’s kinda like I for real get the chance to know things that I should’ve known then, and I get to start all over, but with so much more to begin with.
I don’t know how, but I’ve gotten so lucky as of lately. I’m not going to question it though, I’m just going to keep going. It feels good, and it’s a very supportive and loving situation. I feel so blessed.
Meanwhile, during all of this I started a website dedicated to telling the truth about my old career, and chronicling my journey as that person that I don’t even know anymore. It has been a VERY therapeutic experience. I get to tell my truths and help you all to understand the differences between her and I while telling an enthralling story. At the same time, I remember so many things I surpressed, and it’s helping me deal with them properly and let them all go. Forgiving myself is important to me. I need to do so in order for Travis to see the real me, and for me to be able to raise my daughter without any guilt.
All of these new and exciting things have given me a totally new outlook on life and the things I want for myself. My daughter has been my everything through all this, and she always will be. But Travis really helped push me over that wall that I just couldn’t seem to reach the top of by myself.
So everything from this point, on this site as in life, will be going forward. The only place I will speak of “that” is on the site mentioned above. And when that’s over, and the book comes out, I feel like I will be free and clear. At least for my own piece of mind, and that’s the most important. I’ll update my YouTube videos and do Q&A’s. I’ll try to be as open as possible but please no more questions about that stuff. There are plenty of places for references of that now
As always, thank you all for your love and continued support. You guys are all wonderful.