The past year- Part 1

The poll I posted on what to put up next had a tie between this, and a story. But since it’s been so long since I’ve given you all any sort of update on what’s going on with me, I made an executive decision to post the update. About a year ago, I started posting frequent video updates and putting them on my YouTube channel. I would do q&a’s and post other random things as well. I really enjoy doing that, and plan to get back to doing it. Maybe this post will answer any questions you may have as to why I’ve been slacking a little on that.
I believe one of my last updates on YouTube was right after I just moved into my new place back in March. That was a really hectic and confusing time in my life. Not really in a bad way, it was just a lot to take on at the time. I was still trying to get my life back together after all the changes. I was going through some legal stages regarding the custody of my daughter, and I was trying to travel back to Oklahoma as much as possible. It’s always been hard being away from everyone that I know and love, but during that time it was even more difficult. Plus, I really want my daughter to be able to know her family. So I made it a point to go as often as I could. And then, I wasn’t working yet, so my schedule was a lot freer than it is now.
Being that I loved going home to Oklahoma so much, it was hard on me to come home. It became hard on my daughter, too. She started growing into the age of understanding that we were leaving and wouldn’t see them again for a while. The plane rides home were emotional, but once we settled in at home in our routine again I would realize it was so worth it. Then I’d plan my next trip. This went on from last December until September, travelling there about every 5-6 weeks and staying for a week at a time. Our last trips there from July-September were life changing though, and the place we are in now is an excellent result of that.
Before I go on, I just want to express that there is a very fine line between the privacy I’d like to keep and all of the awesome things that I want to share with you all. I’m sure eventually extra details will be shared, but for right now I’ll do the best I can.
I had been single since Aug. of 2011. Single mom, doing the single mom thing; living mostly for the happiness of my child… and by God that’s the way it should be. I had no plans to even so much as date anyone. I wasn’t looking, I wasn’t lonely. I mean sure, I had moments thinking that having “that bond” would be nice. But there was too much going on, and I was nowhere near finding someone to be serious with. Mind you, there were boys that I talked to. But it was never going to be anything serious so it’s was more just for fun and entertainment. There was no sleeping around or anything like that. I think most of you know, I got all that out of my system already. And I’m not the type of mother to do that. Even before now and being a mother, I wasn’t even like that. Not even during my old career. I stuck to doing what I had to do and left the love and sex for when the time was right. And just like it was then, it is now. I saved all the stuff for when it was right, but not planning for anything.
I guess they say that’s how it goes, though. When you least expect it, or aren’t chasing it, or something like that. Plus, everything is different when you’re a single parent. To me, the person has to be just right. No drugs, no addictions, hard worker, and loves my child more than he would me. Because she deserves that, as she’s so loving and amazing. She would accept them and love them, and I didn’t want anyone that would take that for granted or not even notice it. There’s a level of selflessness someone (that I might be interested in) should have. I think that goes without saying. All you single parents out there are probably shaking your heads “yep!”. But for someone that doesn’t have a child, might not know the exact depth of it all. Sure they will be understanding and willing, but if they don’t get it after a certain amount of time, they’ll probably never get it until they have a child of their own. I’m just saying it takes a certain person to come into situation like mine for more reasons than just the daughter. But she’s obviously the biggest one. All that of alone made it easy not to rush into finding someone.
Meanwhile, back in Oklahoma, my aunt was trying to play matchmaker. Her friend that lives two houses down had a son who she talked about all the time. Her and my aunt shared stories and kind of decided on their own that we should at least meet. He had a girlfriend, and my aunt knew good and well that maybe now wasn’t the right time. But she insisted. I got a text from her in June out of nowhere saying “Hurry! Send me some good pics of you. I want to show —— so she can show her son”. Sounds like fun, I thought. So I obliged and send over 2 or 3 pictures of myself (vain, I know). Not too long after that, she returned a few pictures of him. A few were recent, and there was one from high school in which he looked like a baby. He was younger than me, but it struck my interest. So like any normal person, I looked him up on Facebook. To my (sorta)disappointment, it turned out that he had a girlfriend of over 3 years. I’m no home wrecker, so I left it alone and never thought about it again. My aunt said that he’d love to hang out while I was in town, though, to meet and say hi because our families were such good friends. No thanks, I thought. And that was the end.
Along came July, which was only 3 weeks later. I spent the holiday at some friends’ house that I had met while shooting Piranha. They were stunt people and truly some of the coolest and nicest people I’d ever met. I had just gotten back in touch with her, and found out that she had a little boy that was about a year younger than my daughter. It was nice to reconnect, and I was happy to spend the 4th with them. I brought mine and my girl’s clothes with me because we planned on making a whole night of it. There was food, drinks, fireworks, pool, and games. After some swimming, two glasses of wine and a shot of Patron into it, my aunt texts me that her friend’s son broke up with his girlfriend a week ago. She said that “she wasn’t sure what it was” but she really thought that I should contact him somehow. I disagreed entirely. Even if something were to come of it, he had just broken up with her after 3 years and there was no chance I was going there. I simply text her back “thanks, but not gonna happen”.

Okay. This will have to be a two-parter. I’m at work right now (details about that I will cover in part 2). Thanks you guys. It’s always a pleasure writing for you and I hope you enjoy reading it.
Ash